China Mick-Muderer.

2008-04-26T13:06:00.001+08:00

wooohooo!!!!!!!!!
it's saturday!!
hell yeah!!
mommy and daddy all went desaru..
granny went kl..
and guess what.mommy left me her visa!
so totally gonna grab that asic shoe man!!
damn hell!
hahaha...

2008-04-20T02:40:00.001+08:00

i don't know..
is it just me or what?
sleep late. wake up late. go to work. get home late and sleep late..
all over again..
goody goody!
i don't know what to say..
so tata.

2008-04-15T03:29:00.003+08:00

Can you believe it?
It's my first day of work tomorrow and I'm still not asleep.
I have to report at 8.30am.
Oh god.
I'm so gonna be sleepy in the morning.
It's been like what? two months since i work?
god. that is such a long time to get in touch with laziness..
argh!! i hate it that we have to work??
why?? oh why??
why do we have to work??
why d we need money??
they should like make money available for everybody so that we don't have to work?
why work so hard to just make sure that we have food at the end the day?
why work so hard just to live?
i didn't ask for to live in the first place.
i know, I'm not supposed to question the power of God.
but seriously..i just don't get to point.
we have to abide so many rules. work so hard to get food. can't do this. can't do that.
might as well don't live at all.
i want to be rich and famous.
like really rich. my wealth so estimate like billions of dollars.
haha. so much for such a silly dream.
well i guess life just suck huh?

2008-04-13T12:33:00.001+08:00

kiwak..
tkde mood pe aku nk blog..
peh lame tk blog..
boring la kan....
this tuesday,I'm starting work.
aiyo..
malas la saye..

2008-04-02T14:27:00.003+08:00

three guys and one lifetime.
no fair.
now..
there are some steps that i took previously that makes me regret now.
steps like talking to Nasir.
let him love me.
let him know me.
steps like being loving Shah so much.
let him love me too.
let him know me too.
steps like getting to know Farid.
let him fool me.
let him hypnotise me with his fake love.
how fun is life for me right now.

juggling between three guys.
now i know what it feels like having multiple guys at one time.
sometimes i just can't help it.
i have been so good to them.
but in the end,i get nothing.
maybe,that is where i get my strength to play their game.
their game of cheats and lies.
i understand so much now.
sorry guys,i just can't help it.
but one thing for sure.
the most important for me right now is Shah.
i don't care what happen to Nasir or Farid but i still have to treasure my Alwanshah.
nothing can stop me now.
i won't stop and think about karma.
sometimes.this is just how life rolls.
i can't stop.
i can't say no.
i can't go away.
i still have my boundaries.
and my principles.
but at times.
the dice just rolls differently.
i still have to play the game.

2008-03-26T17:43:00.002+08:00

boohoohoo.
so i fail again in this Nasir guy.
he sucks.
love sucks.
dammit.
why does guy appear to be like an angel?
i THOUGHT i know when to not fall for a guy.
darn.
it's not officially over yet.
so i can't say much but i can see him in my future-NOT.
wahlao..
everything sucks now.
what the hell!
and he can some more be rude to me.
very rude indeed.
i hate him for that.
he took away the smile from my face.
make me a living ghost.
make me crumpled up so bad that even ironing won't do any good.
he sucks!
i don't know..
i should be moving on..
like really move on..........

2008-03-23T14:41:00.001+08:00

really so sorry dear..
i didn't mean to hurt anyone right now..
see la..i got no mood to blog about it right now.
but I'm really so sorry.

2008-03-21T07:31:00.003+08:00

woohooo!!
i'm really getting the hang of it!!
staying at home.not going to work.
study.eat.eat and sleep.
wahhhhhhhhh..
good life pe as???
haha..
but then kan...
i got one problem.
i can't cope with my studies..
too much stuffs i don't know about.
or i don't remember.
how eh..
and.this is like only math.
the other time i look through physic.
i had the hell of time!
i just hate physic!
no good...
lecey sia like this.
then yesterday go study with nana.
i'm like so left out behind!!
she is like at the tip of the top with math.
dammit la!!
mcm mane nie..??!!
jgn la aku fail O.
:(

2008-03-16T01:41:00.002+08:00

i didn't study today.
simply because.I'm not in the mood.
nothing i learn is going into my head.
i need a real tutor.
it feels like no one is supporting me in my study.
people always like asking,did i study today but they don't even give damn about what i understand and what i don't.
i have so much insecurities that i feel like giving up.
but i know.that is not the right choice to do.
i have to study and prove them that I'm worth everything.
stupid people.
oh gosh..i really don't what to do now.
I'm so behind everything in every subject.
like shit.
and worst.no one can teach me.
when i first said that i wanna take O this year.
everybody was like.As,i can help you.
As,i can tutor you.
As,this. As,that.
but when i really enroll for it.
where the hell is everyone??
why give me hope when you're not into it??
dammit la!
I'm into this all alone..
but what fuck.I'm staying strong!
yeay! nothing is making me fall.
so beat it sucker!

2008-03-15T03:28:00.002+08:00

get 'em bodied!!!!!!!!(what the hell)
i miss nasir!!!
oh god!
da lame sey tk jumpe dier..
busy sgt ke aku nie..
haha..
haiya..i don't know what to do know.
i feel like crying sia everytime i study.
i can't understand a thing.
gosh!!
why does O level exist.
dammit la.
then now.i so so bored!
i can't sleep.

2008-03-12T17:49:00.002+08:00

yesterday.i started out on my math.
i can say i did quite well.
i still remember how to do a thing or two.
and now..
I'm starting on my physic.
i hate that fucking subject so much!!
arggh!!
then i still have to touch on history.
something i know nothing about..
hell yeah!!

2008-03-12T03:49:00.002+08:00

finally!!!
I've registered for the fucking O paper.
omygod.....
so much to learn.so little time to do it.
i think the paper is like in OCTOBER.
dammit..
tak fair ah....
and.i have no clue about almost anything.
oh god!!
help me!!
someone please please please help me..

and..hehe. ;p
it's been a week with Nas.
Lame pe as...
baru one week da excited.
well..i just love him..
that's all.
haha

anyway.so stressed up here in yishun.
so i think I'm going to stay at my dad's place.
it's like living in a ghost town there cause most of the time
everybody is out working.
lagi my dad.left home like around 3pm and back like after midnight.
so.I'm going to have the whole place to myself.
the thing is that.i don't have my own room there.
damn ah.

2008-03-06T00:13:00.002+08:00

LOVE!!!
happy per as skg!!
haha!!
it just feels good to fall in love again..
don't think about the heartbreaks after that..
but still.
it's been such a long time since i love someone so much.
haha.
and now i love NASIR so much!
even with farid pon tk gini siak rase.
haha.
happy happy happy!
050308.

and then.skg tgh rabak la kan name aku..
it's like i can believe that my name will go bad this way.
been trying so hard to keep it nice.
then it took JUST ONE fucker and alot of fools to destroy it.
FUCK IT LA!!
my worry is that nas one day will just percaye them.
oh god...
i hope not.
love him u know.

and.
Nasir is like really sweet.
i don't know why i say this(it's not me to say someone is sweet)
but still.
i really don't know if this is it but i wish to believe that things are going to be fine between me and him and we would really last.
i know things are just so sweet at the being and true colours are shown after so long.
well.i'm prepared.
confident pe as..
haha.

2008-02-25T09:58:00.002+08:00

hahahaha..
lots of shit happen yesterday.
but solve it already.
only now i have to be careful.
be so so so careful.
if nas is like the farid type.
then u know what?
go to hell with guys!
stupid creature.
don't deserve a heart.
really really really hope that i'm doing the right thing this time.
oh god....

2008-02-23T11:54:00.002+08:00

things are getting worwse here at home.
my stepdad is poisoning my mom.
my mom things i'm such a useless daughter.
what worst can happen?
oh god.hate life.
shit shit shit.

and then
yesterday night
i cant meet nas.
it's his birthday!
shit..
see la.typing about him makes me no mood to blog.
babi ah.

2008-02-21T15:08:00.002+08:00

phewwwwyooo!!
stress pe aku??!
lecey siak.mane nk blaja untok O.
mane nk join swift.
ape nk jadi pon aku tak tau..

anyway2!!!
i fell in love all over again.
miss my bum bum!!
hope that things will bloom sooner or later.
and it last.
haha.

things are getting better for me and nana.
we went out yesterday night after like so long we didn't talk.
haiz..
miss the old times when we use to be so close.
nvm.what past is past.
i accept whatever happen between me and her.

i'm still not working.

2008-02-15T16:52:00.002+08:00

geeeeeeeeeee!!
finally finally.i get to meet nas.
he is so so so cute!!
oh god!!
hahaha.
we was like really got no where to go..
haha.jetsetting all over singapore.
aawww...he is so cute man!
then he said the L-word!!
haha..love this every minute man!
oh god..
hope he wakes up soon.
can't wait to meet him!

2008-02-14T23:21:00.002+08:00

da mlm!!!!
hahaha.
boring la kan....
valentine's day is like shit.
hahaha.
no dates.
no care.
haha.
just finish bathing.
now don't know what to do.
so boring.
i should hit Bali soon.
my sister.went there like four times in a year.
my god! i should be jetsetting.
like Paris.
haha.
can't wait till next weekend. [wink wink].

2008-02-14T06:40:00.003+08:00

oh god...
i miss nas.
hahaha.
everybody is like celebrating valentine's day..
i still have no plans..
should have accepted some offers.
now.im left with nothing!
oh god..
hahah.
nvm.i still got my back up plan.
maybe i can go out with jian yong.
but then no go where..
aiyo..
i don't know la.
so boring..
i hope nas does have a plan.
if not.im sure to be mangkok.
i wonder if he is thinking about me...
hmm....

oh god...

2008-02-14T03:08:00.002+08:00

i think im missing shah.
god.
i was so tired cleaning up my bloody room!
then the stupid thing is that,i slept after i clean it up!
dammit!
then i woke up like almost 2am.
and nas is so mad at me..
he doesn't reply my msgs.oh dear...
please don't let him think that i was lying.
i was really asleep.so so tired.
haiz...bum bum.

i'm home!!

2008-02-13T03:42:00.001+08:00

finally finaly finally..
i'm home!!
oh god.. it feels so good to be home!
atlast!!
i'm in a no mood to blog actually when i was at my dad's place.
that's why didn't post anything..
haha..
now.at home.alone in my room.
it just feels so nice..
hahaha..

2008-02-02T04:19:00.000+08:00

wah..today sleep like swine.
talk to nas till late.
then now playing game at msn.
how irregular is my hours..
haha.
people move around in the afternoon.
i sleep.
people sleep in the evening.
i awake.
dumbo!
hahaha.
anyway.my family are going to jakarta this sunday.
till the next sunday.
so i have to stay at my father place.
for the whole week! walau..
so sian.
there no phone.no comp.no nothing.
even more sian.
so i guess i won't be blogging for the whole week.
no plan lei tomorrow.
don't know what to do..
meet shah in the afternoon.night,i don't know.
boring boring boring...

2008-01-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
You taking my love for granted.
I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
What am I to do
when my heart says leave
But my feet won't move
And today is our anniversary
And you haven't even say two words to me
I'm trying hard to give you another chance
Boy when I first met you
I thought you were the most perfect man that I ever seen
I still don't understand why
you treat me like you do
I use to give into your lies
But now I see the truth
I don't want to hear it all through
and I know I'll still be missing you
But it's not worth the pain
from the way you made me feel
unappreciated.

fuck off loser.

2008-01-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

god damn blues!
woke up to a very giddy head.
won an auction.two auction actually.
and i've been outbid twice.
like shit.
i really like that shirt..
mommy,where can i get that shirt?
hmmm...
i'm like so stuck to "bleeding love" by leona lewis..
hahaha! don't know why..
it's raining now and i'm supposed to meet Linda in an hour.
haha! and i haven't even hit the shower yet!
hahaha.
haiyah.very lecey la like this.
i have to adjust my clothes again.
can't wear shoe.aiya!!
i don't know what to wear sey!! damn damn.
and yesterday.i had flu.
today.i'm coughing like mad! haha!
i love this man..
my family going to jakarta from this sunday till the next!
so no one at home!! haha!
yeay!!

2008-01-28T15:26:00.000+08:00

it's monday again.

2008-01-28T15:10:00.000+08:00

haiyo..it's back to monday..
and it's so boring..
and no one is at home.
and i'm so hungry.
and i have a block nose.
dammit.dammit.dammit.
just dammit.
i feel like going to the gym today!
but forget it.it's very lecey to get there.
and there is this guy.who add me from friendster is so damn irratating.
argh!
fed up sia waking up to a house like this.
no one cares for no one.
confirm later when i go down to the kitchen,there would be no food.
and later when they get home from jb.confirm never buy food.
simply beacuse they ate already and don't bother to think about me.
dammit la.
and my maid.i hate her to the fucking core.
who the fucking shit she thinks she is.
she can just say that she is so tired to the house chores.
and ask me to do it instead. she's being too much!
fucking shit her!
i hate her.
fuck la.everybody in this house is pissing me off.
it's like everything i do seem to be wrong.
fuck them! fuck their wants! i hate them!

2008-01-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

fcuking shit!!
it's damn boring!!
i've been home like the whole day!
everybody message me like asking not oing out?
haha.
everybody no plans..
like shit.
my back ache so much.
i don't now why.
but it's making me no mood.
and oh god!! why is it so boring today??
dammit.
and where the hell is the mood??
why oh god why..
why is it so boring??
he said he's at home but i think he lied!
he must be out somewhere with some girl.
dammit.
dammit2!
life just suck so much!
someone please...
just pick up any plans..
i'll go..
please!!!!

sugar, sugar

2008-01-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

just got back from Tamp.so sian.
yesterday went to apollo with daddy.
so many people.hate it!
the room was fecking small! and 22 people turn up.
actually suppose to go to the cuscaden rd one.but the sound system got problem so transfer to apollo.
suck so much!
and they were all drinking2 and singing2.fecking selfish!
all the songs they choose were like prioty so the songs that i choose were like far back behind.and guess what for the whole four hours.i didn't get to sing at all.dammit.
end i play pool with my cousin.aiyo....
now back at home.so boring.
and it's only thursday...
can't wait for the weekend.
actuallu.still no plans for the weekend.
haiz...

here is what it says.

2008-01-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

funny funny!
my horoscope kan.says somethig which is so true!!
"Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not
one to mess with. Funny. Excellent
kisser. EXTREMELY adorable(partly not true cause acoording to my height i can't be that adorable but whatever,still cute.) dual
personalities. Loves relationships,
Addictive. Loud."

like isn't it so true??????
hahaha.

lame nyer...

2008-01-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

12 dec eh last post! hahaha..lame la sey..
hahaha!!!
at home.
bored.
to death.
right now.i suddenly don't have the mood to go out anymore.
like i love sitting at home.
watch tv or just smoke and smoke.
or eat and eat.
haha.
met an old crush over at msn! haha!
anyway.an uncle of mine just passed away on Sat.it's ok umpredictable.
the other time i saw him he was laughing away with his group of friends.
now.he's like not there anymore.
he died of heart failure(as what the doctor says) at the age of only 45!
pretty young isn't it..
haiz..life can be so unfair at times..
gonna miss him.(rest in peace Uncle Amin...)

see la.writing about him makes me sad you know!
haiyoh.....
but i'm strong..haha!!
and i never know that we'd be buried very deep down.
when i look at the grave it was like so deep.twice our average height i think.
and it's like gloomy down there even though the sun is right above me.
so you can imagine how deep is that.

when i first came to the house.he's body was still like warm.
after he got clean and everything.the part the relatives and friends get to kiss him for the last time.he was so cold.i felt so sad that he have to go...
and his youngest daughter(11 years old) was like blank.she looks like she's not understanding what's going on.pity her...

bodoh pe????

2007-12-12T15:58:00.000+08:00

oh ya..in case u r wondering.
farid is my boyfriend.no more shai.
and yes.i love him.hehehe.

btw,someone has been spreading very very BAD rumours about me!!! you what? i've been sleeping with guys all over. guys,please tell this bloody idiot that it is such a stupid thing to say about me.tell them.haha. that rumour is now making my relationship with farid very very rocky.anytime soon he either going to leave me or not.pray hard that he is not.i love him.

so.you stupid focker.stop this childish act of your's.i'm very very sure that you are mature enough to think and talk about our disagreement,whoever you are.i don't fuck around but i will fuck you back if you don't tell me what's your problem.so long sucker!! tata.

2007-12-12T15:36:00.000+08:00

HAHAH!! from july till now then i post again.so long sia..
you know why? cause i ain't got the time.my computer is spoilt.
i'm blogging right now because i just got work.at nine west.and they ask me to take care if the whole store.alone.hehehe.what would you if ur alone.with a lappie.and internet.haha!..

oh god!! a really2 cute guy just walk in the store.he smiled at me!

anyway.it's been long since i type i felt huh.hahah!
everything has been going downhill eversince.
i love farid but farid doesn't love me.like i can tell cause he's asking for a break up.again.in a month.
aiyo!!! i'm not prepare to lose him.but i won't beg him not to leave me.he wants it right? he bloody get it.but2...i'm going to miss him..

i'm at work.yeay!nine west.i don't know if u heard of it but it's a State brand very popular.i like.the handbags.not the shoes.haha.anyway.the "staff purchase" here are very2 slashing.i could get like thirty or fifty at a time! haha! how good. i wonder why ainon quit..hmm...

i don't know what to type.maybe later when i'm bored i'll post again aite.

toodles.

sorry!

2007-07-28T01:13:00.000+08:00

omygod! Its been lyke,what months? Since i update my blog.not that i dont want to but my bloody comp was attacked by alot of virus n i can switch it on.n i have been working n working lyke bloody hell that i forget to update.aiyo.btw,im currently working at la senza.a lingerie shop.its fucking expensive but alot of stocks are now currently on 50percent.so what else? Come down n shop.its at suntec tower 5.level one.its easy to locate.
Anyway.so much have been going on now adays. Abit over Bolo.but still..NVM. And u know what? I just discover that my cellphone can go online just lyke a lappie! Cool huh? I just get to know. That is why i can blog now! Haha. Now that i know my cellie can surf the net,i will lyke blogging the whole tyme. YES! I like! Haha! Well cheers!

2007-07-01T12:40:00.000+08:00

fuck la.
i miss him sey..why things have to go this way?
one day we were together.the next not.
shit......
shit...
shit...
i don't know when i can meet him.
maybe end of this week.
but i miss him so much!
yesterday night i illusion about Bolo and Shamil.
the two people that now really understand what i'm going through.
my life is so fucked up now.

wani,kau biler nk jumpe aku eh??
aku nk mintak tlg kau buat kan aku resume abeh tk jumpe2.
comp pat rumah aku da tk ley pakai sey..
sedih tau aku tk ley online lagi..
btw aku da change number hp aku..
82205126

2007-06-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

It is so dumb that i want to blog but i got nothing to say.
haiyoh...
i'm so running out of time and money.
shit!!!!
i need work.please.
someone is worry bout me today.
i woke up with a heavy headache.shit.
went t jb yesterday night.
chill.eat.smoke.

2007-06-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

check me out now..
i miss the interview just now..
i miss someone but i don't even know where he is.
arghhh! my life sucks!
or is it i suck at life?
i don't know and i don't care.
damn.
really pissed off cause i miss the 3o'clock interview!
damn.

2007-06-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

so dull...
so bored.
anyway,i landed myself a job!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!
at Hyatt Hotel.in a restaurant.
do what? i don't know..
pay? i don't know.
i'm going to find out tomorrow..
can't wait..

congrats Hasif!!!
nanti kite kuar same2 k..
hehe..

i miss him ley..
he didn't even bother to look for me this few days..
sedih tau..
haiz..

2007-06-12T01:59:00.000+08:00

My horoscope today says that somebody around me is not meeting up my expectations. Someone close to me. Someone I really like. There's two that I really like to be with. But it seems that the two of them are making the distances from me. Like always. Ape sey.. Sedih siak hidop mcm gini..

2007-06-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

argh...so sick of life now! everytime someone nice come about,they will leave me.it's like i'm just a place to rest for a while before going on and leave me entirely.why man! The feeling just gets there everytime I start to think that love is growing. Sometimes the feel is so strong.I wish,I didn't met you. Now.it's hurts me more seeing you getting further anf further away from me. It's like i hate you.but i so so miss you. But there is nothing i can do cause you won't give it a chance. I'm really not going to fall for someone again if this is going to happen everytime someone i love will totally leave me.TOTALLY.

For weekend,I went to my father's place. Nothing much there. It's just that i feel that me and my dad is going further apart. EH,see??! even my father is going away from me. He looks close with my stepsister. Not close,close but they look so happy being a family. why??!! dammit! so sick of life.fucking sick. and then,they are going for a holiday this week. and my dad didn't even ask me along. It wasn't like last time. They use to force me to go whenever they are going for holiday. But not this time.and this wasn't the first. The second. What the hell man. Things are going so completely out of place now. No job.No money.No boyfriend.not that i care.No life! damn. why do things have to go this way? Why punish me? Why not those faggots who damn leave me when i needed them most.

2007-06-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

I say I love you dammit.
I do.
But I don't know if th love will stay long.
You are so different now.

Fuck la...kenape ngan aku nyer typing hari ni..asyik salah type je tau...
It took me minutes to type this out..Fuck.
Today.BORING.i slept until like ptg then wake up.eat.then watch this telemovie at suria.
It was supposed to be sad but i think it's ridiculous.whatever gitu lor..
anyway..i'm feeling unwanted again.
I know i know...it's stupid.I know.
But i really think that i am unwanted.
but hell.i don't care.

anyway..there is this job.at starbucks.cool kan.
tapi.....gaji dier $4.50 per hour sey....
waduh..sikit tuu..
i don't know la.
maybe i'll just work.
really really fucking broke right now..

wan.tolong aku buat resume.

2007-06-06T02:15:00.000+08:00

sedih sakz..
just now,when i got home.
my dumb bro go and sabo me!!
with this stupid smelly liquid and tepong.nabeh.
then i was like terperanjat la.
then i shower and the mess.omigod.
and you know what,my mom woke up and scold me.
bukan nk wish aku.marah aku lagi.
so much of turning into sweet 17.babi sia.
anyway,totally running out of cash.
damn broke!!!
damn it.

feeling blue..
i don't know.
maybe you were the best things that happen to me in the past.
maybe i love you.
but i don't know.
things have been complicated for now.
the love is there.
and i'll be your hotz forever.

2007-06-05T17:43:00.000+08:00

waduh..boring nyer......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tomorrow is my birthday and i feel nothing special is gonna happen..boley gitu..
it's like so lame turning seventeen!
anyway,i met my so so so old flame from primary school.haha.
he doesn't change one bit.mmm,not a bit.
lame tau au matair ngan dier.8 months ade..
after that we went our seperate ways cause we're posted to different school..lame.
five years later and this is it.
it's such a wonder we still have a lot in common.haha.

2007-06-01T06:31:00.001+08:00

and ya..one of predator's members passed away on wednesday morning.it was so tragic.hafiz is the name.he was riding a bike at woodlands ave 4 T-junction when this happen.a taxi hit him and he was thrown from his bike onto a stationary car and hit his head on the curb.he wore his helmet loosely and that was why he died.he was loosing so much blood.after autospy,it was head injury that took that 24 year old man's life away.just the last sunday,i met him for the first time.and he did ask for my number but i didn't gave.his super four was broke into two.like half.can you just imagine the impact?it broke his bike into two.
that night i was watching lizzie mcquire on tv.just after supper.when my mom called me.she was muttering something about hafiz.and i thought that it was my hafiz.and i started to panic.i was literally searching for the steps to get to my mom.but i heard it wrong.it was hafiz from predator.it was a small relief actually to hear that it was not my hafiz.but still,i was shocked.at first,he didn't died.he did reach the hospital and died in the hospital.accident happen at 10 plus and he was announced dead at 12 plus.so it was so tragic.we did rush to the hospital after that.when we reached,his mom was hysterical.she really can't accept it.it happen to fast.first he was still alive and that next second,he was not.he has a older brother.and the catch is that he has a 7 year old son.i really feel for the family.i did broke down quite a few times because i felt really sad that this could happen to someone who is still so young.and i did felt foolish for not giving him my number that sunday.but i think it was better that way because if i did gave him my number,it would mean that i know him well and knowing that would definitely take the whole lot out of me.but you had my condolescenes(i don't how to spell).such a pity. we when to the mortuary to collect the body after autospy.and you know what,you have timings for that.like what time to collect the body with or without autospy cases.so pathetic!! and the atmosphere at the mortury was really down.everyone was like trying to be strong but did cry when no one saw.i know cause i was one of them.it was really hard to accept the fact that he was still young and because of the taxi fault,it took a man's life away.after the mortuary,we went to his home to have the bath ritual.so many people attend the wake.lots of other motor design.things went smoothly till the burial.went home after that and slept.so tired.may god bless hafiz family.*a minute of silence*

2007-06-01T05:41:00.000+08:00

things are definitely falling apart right now.and guess what?i'm still unemployed! note to the fact that i have bills to pay at the end of each month.argh! why is life killing me this much?!! it's so hard to get a job now. i tried like almost everywhere.damn.

ya so he didn't call me.like a week now.and he doesn't even care if i'm still alive or dead.my birthday is coming up in like five days?six days.and still no news of him.as for rahman,ya ya,my other ex.he called.and you know for what? asking for my opinions on where to bring his girlfriend to eat!! i mean like what the hell??! he stood me up last saturday and no apology no nothing,talked about his bloody girlfriend.what do i look to him? a fool? a date planner? mother hell. he thought that by doing that i will like sort of feel so stupid for two timing him in the past.hakz! like i care u faggot! what's he worth? a bike?lots of money?i don't need that to feel love ok rahman. he's not a good kisser,definitely very bad in bed.oh..i can't stand to think bout the horrible "thing" we had..gosh..! and everytime we talk,he would like say something bout the past and was supposingly makes me feel so regretful and miserable that i did that to him.and the reason he kept saying that?he wants me to realize that i made such a big mistake and i should be really miserable thinking bout it. pufftz! like as if i care so much..! just because you have a bike,you wore designer clothes,you can afford a meal that goes $80 for two,doesn't mean that girls around would go for you ok.u are simply rude,practically no sense of humour.and you dare think that girls would go head over heels for you?such a bummer.well,get lost ok.have fun with your so superlicious babe you've got there.if talking to my ex when i was with seeing you was so wrong and unfaithful to you in the past.why you came back to me even though you have such a good girlfriend there.ironic doesn't it.you are doing the same i did in the past and you dare say i'm untruthful?oh ya.you even ask me to wait for you cause i'm still young and not attached now? hahaha.you had me! that was funny. wait for u huh..till like when? till you get married with that big nose babe and i'll be ur second wife? good gracious.who do you think you are? a god-damn-it-mother-fucker with millions of money to support me?does the word FOOL being drawn across my forehead?do i look like i really need you in order to survive?hah! you are so wrong mister.well,piss off alright!

and someone call me back.someone who said that he will be there regardless of what for me.pruftz.slash it man.you stood me up too.at the very minute i need you.what the hell in the world that i do wrong? why does this happen to me? karma? i thought i was the good one in the past.ok.maybe not so good.i did do bad at times but i did love u.argh! to hell what happen that day.i just wanna say thank you so much for that.

you know what.to hell with what happen.i have my own life now.and this is what i wanted.freedom from everybody.so if anybody who thought of bringing me down,to hell with ya.cause i simply don't care.i don't owe you a mother fucking anything and so are you.so back off you ugly wringly faggots! being so strong for now..

2007-05-27T18:24:00.000+08:00

so boring..i at my cousin place.i think so he's my cousin. cause his mom and my dad are siblings so we should be cousins right? i don't know la..don't give a damn anyway..so boring now,they outside singing2..and i here blogging2.hahahaha.i need to smoke but i quite like malu ar.cause my cousin's wife mother is here.so like want to smoke like so malu.but i really2 need to smoke.damn.today,i went to jemputan! hehehe..it's been so long since i went.really long.i follow pon cause it's near.yishun only.so i went la.then the smell of nasi minyak.omygod!i really don't like it.so like the what..i didn't eat of course.eeuw...

god blessed u.

2007-05-25T04:37:00.000+08:00

It feels like you’re a million miles away

As I'm lying here alone tonight

And I can’t even find the words to say

I can't find a way to make it right

Was it me? Or was it you?

That broke away from what we were

It’s like the seasons love has changed

And every time I think about it,it tears me up inside

Like the rivers of emotion

But it's ok.

take a look at it.

2007-05-24T02:51:00.000+08:00

what is it to be my life.so nothing.so plain.so much have been going on in my life.it feels like i can't stop and take a look at it one at a time.i hate this feeling that everyone is gonna leave me soon.maybe not all.some will stay.i can't even find the words to say.it's like so many miles away between them and me.everything is so gray.

but.there is one thing i always look forward to.friday night.i'm gonna meet him.haha.go jb.i like him.he's not like the other guys i know.so nice.so simple.so cool.i like him.do u know it's hard to find one good guy now a days.treasure him.anyway.u won't be seeing me having a relationship soon enough.cause i really want to be alone.

btw,i'm really sorry if i pissed u off so much this days.i just feel like u are so into my life.it's not i'm being secretive.but there is just something i do that i don't want people to know.i have the right to my privacy too ok.u don't have to always be messaging me and when i don't reply.you would search for me high and low.and the thing,you won't give up.it's realy getting on my nerves.sorry if i'm always rude to u.sometimes u just have to learn to let it go.

ape je...

2007-05-19T18:59:00.000+08:00

merepek ar skg.i really don't know what to do with my life..it's raining fucking heavily right now.alone at home.no one to talk to.no body to share my boredness with.sian ar..waiting for this dumb nana to call me back.i don't know what's the plan for tonight sia.it's saturday and i'm home sitting doing this dumb blog.long time no update eh..haha.busy ar.in the morning,i sleep,in the afternoon i still sleeping.in the night,bath then go out.won't be home till like the next morning.where got time to do blog.and now since i'm home.i'm gonna update it.hahahaha.i miss school so much sia.if not right,this is the kind of day i will be looking forward at.because the past five days i'm sure gonna busy schooling.today and tomorrow confirm free..haha..what a life.but atleast school occupy my life.i confirm have something to do.like art.it like took 3/4 of the day to like just prepare an art piece.haha.but i enjoy it.it keeps me going.well.now.not working.not schooling.all i do is sleep.eat.go out.check in check out kind of thing.hahahaha.naughty me.i must realy start saving man.next year is gonna be a hell of a year cause i'm taking o-level!!hahaha.i must study hard..mcm paham siak asmira..it's seven and this nana is no where to be found.call apiz,busy working.call shai,didn't pick up.call zul,not going out.i like call almost everybody in my contacts but they all like not going out or haven't got any plans..why does it seems that everyone around me is like having the pleasure of their time sitting at home.while i'm fucking bored to death alone at home??!!merepek sey..ooopps..nana called!t

ciao.

the poem

2007-05-18T02:02:00.000+08:00

just say you hate me.
just say you don't want me.
just say for the sake of you.
for the sake of me.

just leave if you wanna hurt me.
just go if you wanna punish me.
just do it if you don't feel me.
don't punish me no more..

what we had was history.
what we feel was never meant to be.
i thought you had my back when necessary
but you left me in this way.

why me?
why punish me?
why didn't you tell me that you were unhappy?

what happen sia?????

2007-05-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

one day i was full of friends.the next day.my life was so fucking empty...why???? what wrong i did?? apiz,iz..all like ignoring me.not so like ignoring me.they like don't care bout me.why sey? i know there is something wrong with them.but what? why punish me when i did nothing wrong? first,there is this one night when i went out without telling apiz.he called.and he sort of pissed off.it started from there..the following days i was never the important one.he doesn't call me frequently.doesn't meet me frequently.i hate this man.why do my life have to go like this? i thought we are friends apiz..i thought u and me feel each other.i kept thinking and thinking and searching and searching to find the answers why we go this way.to no avail of course.it's not fair what u did to me.u did it too but i kept quiet.i was jealous.but i kept it quiet too.but when i did it.things become like this.it's not fair apiz.i didn't think that u really had the heart to do me this.i'm so disappointed in u.at times,i feel like i don't want to ever meet u again.but i know that is not possible.i feel u man.it's hard ok.all this while..i've been keeping quiet.i tried not to call u at times but it seems so hard.it's very very hard.if u hate me.just tell me.don't torture me like this.i thought bestfriends never ends.but i think it will end soon.fuck the bestfriend apiz.

just another day

2007-04-18T10:47:00.000+08:00

phewyo......i don't know what to write.that's the reason for not blogging this few days..
haha.well2..let me see.it's been almost two weeks i broke up with him.and i still miss him..haha.too bad i don't have the heart for him.but i still care lar..miss him sometimes.the other day i ate kfc,with chef,didi,apiz,wani,azri,hasif and guess what?no one peeled my chilli for me sey..i hate it.he always do that for me.with my humongous needs for my chilli and my dislike of peeling chilli so i hate it when no one is there to peel that me.haha.miss him lar...

anyway..something is on with hasif and wani..hehe..i don't know what but i can feel it.haha...

as for me.my love life is still so low on the radar.i don't know why..maybe no one wants me??? haha.....i don't know why lar..i still want to chill and lay low you know.no relationship what so ever.close maybe yes.but in a relationship?i have to consider..

it's so boring now a days you know.lepak,sleep,work,lepak,sleep,work.that is my routine for now...haiyoh...wani da start skola.yang aku nie,biler tah nk ak keje full time.keje banquet gini tk ley survive siak.gaji sikit.keje penat.tapi kan,albert da naik shiok kan kasi aku vip.gerek tu gerek ar..course jln laju je..tk yah nk rilek2..haha.overall,keje sane ok.i just need a part time job before i start schooling next year.oimgod,lame lagi siak.but i have to start saving.tuition fees,enrolling for license,levy..all this.my god.why is money damn hard to get huh?easy lar if you work,but work like hell.haiyoh..

k la.tat for now.apiz da perah2 kan kat bwh blok.

i have to.

2007-04-03T09:07:00.000+08:00

i'm standing.thinking about life.
it's really not fair at all.
last time,i saw you.
i saw you in my future.in my life.in my path.
now.it's different.
i started to feel you slipping away.
maybe it's not you.
maybe it's me.
maybe i just hope that you can brighten the light that's fading in seconds.
but i was wrong.
i was totally wrong,
i'm walking now.
all alone.
strange.but it's pulling me.
pulling me to the other side that i don't know of.
i'm not scared but just worried.
worried that maybe it's may not be the best way to go.
the light at the end of the tunnel is always flickering.
not sure if it's always there for me.
but i don't mind.
i'm stronger now.
i'm braver now.
weird.i just think that walking straight without turning back is easy.
but it just gets me back anytime.
the tunnel,the path,it felt like a dream.
but i know it's not.
cause i can see the effect it's having on me.
now.it's just me.my space.my life.my path.
i learn that the light will go away one day.
and it will leave me alone in the dark.
dark was my enemy before.
but i know that the darknest is lonely.
i'm lonely too.
we have a thing in common now.
i'm sitting now.
just to rest.just to think.
i don't know if you feel me now but i do.
i'm not what you think i am.
still seating.
and looking ahead.
the path ahead is so misty.so messy.so dangerous.
but i have to live it up to it.
i have too.
sorry to you.
sorry to momma.
i have to.

hate and love

2007-04-03T08:50:00.000+08:00

I hate hearing your voice and knowing i can't see you
I hate it when i have to leave
I hate it when i can't see you
I hate it when i see you flirting
I hate that i can't tell you how i feel
I hate that we are just friends
I hate that i can't explain how i feel about you
I hate it when i have second guess about you
I hate being alone
I hate it when i don't know when i'm going to meet yo again.

I love the passion in your kisses
I love it when i see you smile
I love the way i like up when i hear your name
I love how i feel in your arms
I love the way you please me
I love it when you make me weak in the knees
I love all the little things you do
I love when are connected
I love it when you put me first
I love it when you kiss my neck
I love it when you're romantic
I love when i'm dreaming of you while working
I love it when you're concerned
I love the sensations run wild when your arm brushes aainst mine
I love how you can make me instantly happy
I love when drive myself crazy thinking about you
I love how you are all i see when i close my eyes
I love how i get butterflies when i see you smile at me
I loce when i get nervous around you
I love it when you touch my face
I love it when you pull my hair away from face
i love it when i open my eyes,it's you that i see
I love it when you hug me under the covers
I love it when you ask me to wash it away with soap
I love it when i lay on your lap while watching tv
I love the way you press the buttons on your camera
I love it when you laugh seeing me lying.

city hall

2007-03-20T03:01:00.001+08:00

just now,me,wani,nana,anoi,wani and azri went to my working place.not see me work but to learn how to work.haha.they went for training.it seems like they always recruit new staff huh.but still always not enough staff.like always..so when they three went to the training hosted by uncle lokeman of course,i and wani went to walk2 around.i finally went into the lifeshop!!haiyoh.i've benn trying to go into that place since i started working.at last,wish granted.yippee!..i know.i'm lame.then went to harvey norman.my dream phone was on sale!!damn.free docks,bluetooth headset and memory card.how good.damn.

2007-03-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

GREAT NEWS!!i finally get to start work..hehe,where else la kan??my one nad only raffles lor..haiyoh! tuesday i work at plaza,first time sia from three pm to 11 pm i all the way step-up.gerek.i jasper helmi n the other chinese guy.i don't know who.but gerek la.i don't have to do dinner.sian sia if evrytime do dinner.then just no,OC!lagi fun!! i.wani.didi all oc at MAS,shenton way there.just now also first time from11am to 11pm.if get to OT then lagi gerek! payday right,confirm bomb one!! haha. sia ar..damn long time sia never walk at that damn place.when get to work,wah like funny like that.then next week two days straight i OC.lagi fun!tomorrow i wanna try to walk in.never try before.like scared cannot get to work je sia.but i think right got slot ar.this week,staffing damn tight sia.alot ppl no show.until all the team leader and AM also do services..HAHA!!

2007-02-23T14:31:00.000+08:00

eh yarh..forgot to update you guys on my love life.hehe.ape saje..the story goes like this.i broke up with shai on the 6th.matair ngan ian on the 7th.my relationship with ian was ok.survived two break ups.haha.totally broke up one week later.then patch up with shai.till now la.so it's like a week break from shai.but i still take it that our relationship starts on the 15.05.2003.long ar but most of the time he's inside.the time span that i really spent with him was like one year plus.funny thing is that,he always on my birthday.never on valentine's.haha.then few nights ago,i was drunk.ya drunk.like totally drunk.ni shai la nie...minom.tapi aku tk kecoh.aku mabok diam je..malu siak org tgk pmpn mabok.tapi kan best tau mabok.mcm kau free from anything gituu.ok la.tapi after that,the hang over was killing me man! mcm pening gituu.tapi ok la.so right now,aku da tkde kene mengene ngan ian.shai je sorg buah hati aku..

2007-02-23T14:18:00.000+08:00

wah...lame akak tk blog eh..been so busy lately.the chinese new year period,i went to Pahang.then to KL then to Malacca.so sian ar the trip.nothing fun to do.no money some more..walau..then today i told my mom i work but actually i got pit.i scared to tell her.confirm she don't let me go one.sian ar! but later at night then i tell her got pit.she usually doesn't let me go to pits and bBQ.i don't know why.but when i say i staying out late,she usually say ok.funny ar my mom.then now my house no maid.my previous maid da balek kampong dong! so the house is like so so messy! damn messy! hahaha.i think the next maid is coming like within a month. my mom ask me to share the maid money.like my mom pays the salary and i pay the levy.the government money or something.$200.ok what?somemore i work two jobs..can manage la...haha!!i now nyonya already!!people work for me you know..gerek sia. right now,i waiting for wani to finish work.4 pm i think.but maybe extend or something.i don't know.feel so bad cheating on my mother.cause i never cheat on her about my wherabouts.i think later when she comes home then i tell her ar.cannot ar.i don't feel nice cheating on her.so cruel you know do like that.but if i tell her,she won't allow.don't tell also wrong.like what sia i have to do.neverming.just tell her,dier kasi ke tak peduli ape aku.hahaha.

2007-02-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

i saw me at the end of the tunnel.
i saw you too.
i thought that if i walk slowly to the light it won't dissapear.
i was wrong.
it indeed dissapear.
together with you.
i walk in agony to nowhere.
in my mind i was walking towards to light that was once there.

the other night,i dreamt.
a violent dream.
it's about me and you.
you said that i'm a fool and i won't make it in life.
i said NO!
i said that i believe in you.in me.in life.
but i can't lie any further cause maybe it's true that it is the end of life for me.
the tunnel,the dream, it's felt so real.
so alive that i almost touched it with my bare hands.

now,i'm all alone.
not home at my own home.
not happy at my own decision.
i feel vain and tawdry.
i'm always looking woebegone and miserable.

2007-02-10T03:53:00.000+08:00

what the hell man!! just now i went to school to like sign some papers for leaving school.but then Mr Justin says cannot! ape sey..dier ckp he wants me to know where i'm going after i withdraw from school and he needs prove not just words..so i have to register my name at a private shool to take O-Level later on this year..boring sey.tkpe la.

Wani all did quite well in their papers.so far so good..i'm really really scared.But looks like future is turning out good for them afterall.hehehe.

Met Ian(boyfriend)after the results thing. I,Wani, Ian and Fats went to 503 then..lepak2 playing bluff or cheats and taitee..haha!gerek ar!! bising giler nyer kite..the kecohrable mah.. Wani hang out late till like 9pm then we get the bugger going. Wani went home after that.Me and boyfriend went to vivocity.i know,it's like so late and stil we're going.WTH.hahaha.dgn due2 tkde duit.jln sini sane mcm org tde arah tujuan.end up tunggu Fir and Rock pat jurong east.This rock is like OT at my workplace so she is like so keret.she told ian that i was sombong cause the other day she ask for myphone but i don't have one.WTH.end up,we both says that we're sombong.but nevermind.things will work out.Went home after that.took a cold shower.kuar je dari toilet ian suro call hp Fir.da call sklai ian ckp aku tipu dier cause dier tk percaye aku da break ngan shai.i was like so damn frustrated cause i really did broke up with him!like two or three days ago.he said this all because my mom call him saying that i haven't broke up with shai yet! so damn angry sia! how can my mom betray me.her own daughter.man!!Ian did ask for a break up and i started crying.it's like i so love him.i don't know why cause i just met him in less than a month but i'm nuts about him! i don't how to explain sia..he's like so the suitable for me..in the end,he doesn't want a break up so I'M SO HAPPY!! haha..meeting wani on sunday later.i've it got to remove my tattoos.and i'm asking wani to help me! shit sia..scared to death man!but i have to do it.. it wil be like 2 weeks plus then i can start work.rindu pulak ngan keje tuu.padehal biler nk g keje feel so dreadful.da tk keje,rindu pulak.haiyo!

2007-02-04T02:59:00.000+08:00

i think i'm gonna paint my room black.like the total black.i'm sick of my room.so sick.maybe not all black.just a portion of my room black.then the other colour is maybe lime green.then but black bed sheets.long mirrors.scented candles.new desk.all at ikea.cause right now.my room is so so lame.nothing cool at all.and i'm sick of it.anybody knows where to get cheap carpets?i wanna carpet my whole room white.or beige.cause the parquet of my room is so scracthy.stains all over.this post is so lame.

the day.

2007-02-04T02:50:00.000+08:00

kiwak..boring siak.today i think was not so boring as yesterday but still,it's so boring.woke up at 1pm,shai la nie.call.abeh tgk tv.abeh kuar jumpe shai.then tgk tv pat rumah shai then sahi tdo.aku g tolong mak shai biken u know the thing when org kawin and they give u this thing,nice smelling thing.bukan berkat tau.the thing is green in colour.alah forget it la.biken that thing until like 9pm.then wake shai up then we eat dinner.the food is like hospital food sia.i don't know where shai mom got it but if it's still hot then maybe it's nice.but then nevermind.then went to pasar malam.then go home.sian ar today..tomorrow may not be so boring cause it's girls day out!!with all the girlfriends.at last.haha.what should i where eh??i really need to but lots more clothing cause i've been wearing them twice.not nice...

i kene suspend from raffles for the whole month.can you believe it?? just because i didn't turn up for work.wth!haha.i can only start to work at 27.02.07.so long....haiyoh...

2007-02-02T20:00:00.000+08:00

dear people.today so boring..i spent the whole day at home.watching tv,eat..haiyoh..i don't know when to work again.i've been sitting at home for like one week straight.i don't fell like working.tuesday then i work at sentosa.then right,i have not smoke since the match between singapore nad thailand.went to watch it with my family all.so much fun.shout shout shout for nothing.then now,i ain't got voice.hahaha..i'm in my room now.my small sister is doing her homework and she's like laughing kaughing cause i'm making funny faces.haha.such a cutey.....

click

2007-01-30T03:21:00.000+08:00

i watch a movie just now.ok.you will probably thing that i'm so out-dated.but still!ok,promise not to laugh.i watch the movie "click".damn interesting man...ok.for like who haven't watch it.like me.hehe.it's about an architect,michael newman.he's still working his ass up for the partnership with mr ammer.he still can turn on his tv without clicking the tons of remotes.so one day he decided that he get himself a universal remote.you know the one that fits all.so he got that.but strangely.he got it at a store name bed bath &beyond.he went on it.there was this guy who named Morty who gave him the universal remote.so happily reached home and tried it.suddenly it hit him that this thing really remotes his universe.so he like fast forward the times he don't like it.like sickness,arguements,boring parts of life.eventually the remote got use to his habits that it fast forward at times he doesn't want and he eventually missed out the pure bliss of life.he loses his beautiful wife,didn't get to see his children grew up cause it's fast-forward.but but the thing that caught me is that when he was at his hospital bed dying that he realise that his son are following his own steps.that hit him.he got out of that bed even though he was on life machine.damn.luckily his son saw him before getting into the car.so he was like dying and trying to make use of the little time he had left.that really touch me.i know you guys think that it's so lame.but you got to watch it to really understand what i feel.it's really heart-felting.the movie just proves me that career isn't everything.family comes first.to appreciate things in life and slow down.....

golf.

2007-01-29T01:52:00.000+08:00

few days ago went to the driving range.hell damn those clubs were so heavy.damn damn heavy.i told shai to bought me the ladies club and he say ok! haha! waiting ah....playing golf is like playing the ass out of your ass.damn hard to master the basic of it.your hand will get blisters.your body ache.but it's so much better than sitting around doing nothing.haha.silly me.then my cousin from malaysia came.he watch the AFC.too bad we won! went mustafa centre fist.took alot alot alot of pictures and then head to the stadium.the game was damn fun man!i shouted and shouted and shouted and now i got no voice.i think right i'm gonna have a fever soon..but i don't think so cause it's really really damn hard for me to get a fever.i had fever twice since sec 1.how cool is that?buut actually.it's not cool at all.i once read on reader's digest that people who get sick like sometimes may live longer than those who rarely get sick at all.it's because the person who gets the fever always,it's body is already used to the virus.but as the other party,the body is definitely not.so when the virus attack,it's either our immune system is too wea to fight it or the virus came in such a way that the body could not resist.so i'm in the latter.which is like hell cause i want to live long.i wanna be a hot mama.wanna be rich.haha.like as if.anyway,i'm still not on the way to O-Levels.man...i don't know when to register myself cause i basically don't have the money to support myself.i'm definitely not asking for my mom cause i can see that she paying like 80% of the househlod maintenance.dead liao.i really don't know what to do.why in the hell is taking private O-Levels is damn expensive?? stupid you know singapore.they like wanna make us,the failers,fails even more deeper.what the hell man! i mean,if that bloody school just accept me back.i won't to stress myself up this much. i'm already so stress up with the dispute between my family and now this kind of thing won't stop bothering me.why oh why?shit la this life.

it's been long friends.

2007-01-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

waduh..lame sey tk update the blog.it's not because i malas or what la.tkde time sey..keje keje keje...abeh balek nk penat..anyway!!! wassup wassup!!! what's hot now?? asmira is the house.back to typing her life into the computer..same old thing! duh... k.i ma updates lot of stuff witthin this post cause it's been so long since i bitch here...i think the people outside also forgots that i do have a blog.or maybe,thet don't even know.haha.i don't know.but feel free to tag ok.

updates no1:
i landed myself another job at Sentosa.as admission host.the job basically need me to just greet guest and sells/promote sentosa packages or rides.so lame.but the working environment is what i'm looking forward to.since i plan to be a flight-steward so i think the most appropriate course to take is hospitality and tourism.actually right.i don't want too but i think i won't last long in law so i just take up the second option in my choice of courses list.the pay is $5.80per hour.just twenty cents less than my pay at Raffles.so i think i'm juggling between two jobs.get more money!hehe.

updates no2:
i overcome my fear of three years.i don't want to tell what but u guys will find out sooner or later.i guess.i had it done at peninsula.with wani,raudha and fatin.but it's me alone la do..not them too.i don't think they will do this kind of stuff.maybe they will like few years down the road.maybe.

update no3:
secretly..i want to be a model.or a run-way model(hakz!)so last november like the 24th i went to search for TRUSTED modelling agencies that are available in Singapore.i sign up alot of application form like from dozens of agencies.and only now whick is like two months later that they call me up.they first sent me an e-mail saying that they requested i sent them a picture of my face close up and half body picture fot further consideration.i was like wow!but then i doubt they wanna call me back.so i wasn't like so into it and put alot of hopes.suddenly on monday this week.they called!! yeah!! cheers! i was so dumbfounded that they actually wanna be to be interviewd.they say that is very rare that they call us for interview cuase girls out there just walk-in for the interview which is held every month.i was..ooh..i'm wanted.by a modelling agency of course.hahah.so happy.so my interview session will be this friday at the gallery hotel.cool huh?can't wait! wish me luck ppl.wish me....

update no4:
i'm going to bangkok this april.i don't know how long but if you guys there wanna join me.please be free.i know la bangkok just ken bomb but that's life.if god wanna you die in bangkok so you die there.maybe your thinking is like it's safer in singapore but if the bombing happen in singapore the you will like damn.u get what i'm saying.it's all coincidence that this kind of things happen.i mean u can't really fortell something like taht is gonna happen do you? how good are you at all this bombng thing is not really gonna help you when the bomb really explodes or something.i mean it's not like you gonna risk your life nad go to the bomb physically to turn it off like in the movies.haha..so just email me ok.

update no5:
the least of all subject i would like to talk herre...oh gosh...as you guys heard,i've actualy appeal to go to sec four express right.so it was decline.decline as in no way.(i know..my own school doing that to me?? i feel so betrayed!)mr justin and that new principal say that if i'm alowed to sec 4,then other will also start complaining too.i was like! wat the hell man! my case was totally different from them. i didn't sit for my art paper.yet i did provide MC.they say it was too late to take the paper.so i told mr justin and the new principal say that there is nothing she could do cause the teacher is no longer there.what king of school say that to a student? i mean.i have been at that school for four damn years and this is how they do things to me? fuck ar.i'm really so pissed off.right now,i'm stuc cause i really don't want to use my mom's money to pay for my private o.which total up to four thousand.that much.cause for the past months,i can see that my mom was tight on money because the bloody animal in my house doesn't pay for the bills.so my mom have to pay.it sucks to see my mom suffer like that but hey,this is life.how nice can it be? i think i will just work to get that sum of money and then pay it myself so that my mom won't be so stress up.

ok.that's really all that happen during the "busy" period.bye bitch.

bored sia.

2006-12-30T06:27:00.000+08:00

walau...damn bored sia. i just came back from woodlands..damn bored. first went to watch the 11.50pm night movie(night at the musuem)with boyfriend sherry and lan. then they both went home left me and shai. call the kids.they're hanging out at vista.but going home soon.end up i went to shai place. baring2.talk2.then went home.walau..sianz sia. then later in like twelve hours work. wah piang. i feel so dreadful.really don't feel like going to work sey.later meet that bloody hell raymond teo! cibye. i got into an arguement with him on chirstmas eve man! suay ar! he wanted to terminate me cause i wanted to cancel ot! what the hell!! then wani check for me and she say that i can go to work.so i'm not terminated! i really need to find another job man! i caan't stand this job. this jib is like giving services to people.to me.it's like degrading kind of job. and it's damn tiring! you can't imagine the tiredness. but the staff there are quite so ok la. only the team managers there sucks so much! especially that kanina raymond! i hate him so much sia! cibye.

the day.

2006-12-26T18:54:00.000+08:00

the day we talk happily.
the day we wak peacefully.
the day we sang the song.
the day i knew you were mine.

come the day that you fool me.
come another day that you fool me again.
come the day i just let it be.
come the day i hate you for who you are.
but come the day that i reminisce all the love we had.

to you i say i love you.
to you i share my secrets.
to you i dare to dream.
to you i feel love once again.

emotions..

2006-12-18T04:02:00.000+08:00

emotions come and go.
almost how the wind will blow.
there's so little in this world to trust in.
seduce themselves with lies.
some don't realise.
they call it love but it's really only lusting.

but i still continue to find love inspite of the pain,tears and heartbreak.
maybe because PAIN made me stronger.
TEARS made me braver
and HEARBREAK made me wiser.

always remember that bitch.

my life...

2006-12-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

work just now...before that i went to boat quay.i met cik yati(thanks alot auntie)to get black pants from her. thanks to her,i now have a black pants. i don't know why suddenly the banquet office called. she ask me to wear black pants to work. so i wore. me and wani. reached there. the clerk say i don't need uniform. so i was excited. i don't why. i thought got outside catering. so i was really excited czuse outside catering means more money. haha. kiasu me.. then i went to the canteen. to eat. lemon chicken and fried wanton. the wanton was wonderful but the lemon chicken. yucks!! so didn't finish my food.. then went up to Raffles ballroom,bras basah. happy sia reach there. tonight happen to be Caribbean night. and we,staff, get to dress as pirates! with the one side earring.the tattoos..cool huh. not the boring dumb uniform.the old dumb skirt. haiz.... then i get to work with cik lokman some more..he was so noisy that uncle of mine..haiyoh..so work work work..until 11.30.. wah piang..heng ley....damn damn tired... went outside straight away smoke...cannot tahan. catch the last train back...

2006-12-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

i swear my first day of work was like the first day of pe..you know,like the first semester of the year..damna aching sia..
i was like so freaking exhausted that I went to smoke like alot of time.
luckily one of my old friends work there..his from sembawang.
at first i can't remember who he is. I met him during row-call. He hi-fi me.and was like hey!
then i was quizically trying to remember who he was.not till much later that i know he was from sembawang.haha.stupid me.when all four table was clear.I straight away change my uniform and went out.smoke2...then board the train. i slept like a log in the train.the train reached yishun then i tersadar.omigod.luckilly i did not miss the stop..huahuahua.

WORK!! bloody hell

2006-12-08T13:04:00.000+08:00

work sey hari ni..alamak.
i'm in my room today and my room is in a total mess.
i can't stand it.
my bibik won't clean it up for me becuase she is busy with other works.
what the hell.
haha.
tkpe.later i clean it up.
but i very malas.
can hired part-time maids tak??
i really don't like to do chores.
chores suck.
reminder:get amizan something for his birthday.
wuhu....

2006-12-02T02:36:00.000+08:00

waduh..boring ya..
i'm at ali's palce right now.
so bored.
alwanshah sleep..like fron ten to two now.
so i' m so bored..
wad the hell.
DOA is on tv now..but i can't concentrate cause i don't like this movie..this kind of action movies..so pathetic..
fight fight mcm la paham..
padehl ni smuer choreograph nyer...
ape sey..

my day

2006-11-27T03:24:00.000+08:00

As the day went passed, I was alone,alone in my home the place I like to call little like hell.
See, I live in fear. All the time.
It is not as what you think.
It is the hardest thing I have been through.
The day was gloomy,luscious with disheartening attention.
Graudy in mood. Pretending was always the way out.
But till when?
I was alienated. By you,him and her.
It was hard you know.
I try to accentuate it.
But it remains undetected.
My boyfriend,idyllicly charming.
Ironically, very mesmerizing..
I wish I came from a prestigious family so I could spent my day shopping.
But that will be immacutely contradicting cause I do came from a prestigious family.
I had that,this and those.
I perspiciously understand what is it to fail in life.
But did I do anything about it?
No. I did not.
Why?
Cause I had it in life.
I know there will something behind my back if I fail in life.
It is implicit,dubious even to some that I won't thrive, in life.
I will be the glorified, notorious and ingenious girl ever being made in this world.
I will.

2006-11-26T02:24:00.000+08:00

darn.so boring.
i dunno what to do ley.
Man..life can be so so boring.Like always.
Nothing much happen since the last updates.
My mouse was faulty.
I dunno why. So i can't check my mails, can't update my blog. Darn.
I have been reading very very boring books. Because I dunno what to do for the day. So i read. Really read those books.
Btw,on Tuesday, I went to training. At Raffles Hotel. Hahaha. Cool...

klakla la....

2006-11-20T16:56:00.000+08:00

haha...yesterday.i went woodlands..you know,just the usual stuff.hanging around.then right,we(ali,afai,sungai,syed,me,shai)went to sit at the parapet at the escalator.the one heading towards the interchange below..we were like a bunch of fools.you know,laughing out loud,doing dumb and stupid stuffs.whimiscal that's it.haha..fun fun..then suddenly afai say that the last train is arriving in two minutes.for sure tak sempat nak kejar..so i was like damn,nak balek naik ape sey.i definitely cannot stay over Shai's place cause he's having paper the next morning.and he's playing golf later on.so i was like damn...then afai laughed! he was joking..there is another train,lots of other train. the las train is at 12.37am,so plenty of time..haha..afai afai..then ali kena the ketiak game!! funny sia the face!damn red..haha..cool ar the game.it will like test your geliness.cause someone will stuck up their fingers up your armpit.then for sure you geli what.then like that person moves for sure it will be so ticklish! haha.then you won't dare to move..and you will like pray the ceiling collasped or earthquake or something to happen.haha! the fear is there!haha

beautiful thing

2006-11-18T04:39:00.000+08:00

it's silly.but i'm actually missing school.missing too much.i've been actually looking up my school books and trying to get the atmosphere.like i'm in the classroom with the teacher teaching and me doodling and drawing and colouring on my book.i miss those days.a normal typical day will be like,i arrive at school in the morning,sit down.gossip with atika,read book and went to class.at class,i will be either paying attention or talking or sleeping.sometimes i will be thinking of Shah,like what he may be doing in his classroom right now.or is he looking forward to our after school meet or something else.haha.girl in love mah.must think about him always.haha.then if i'm in the mood,i will be like taking a few thick textbooks home for revision.haha.i know.like real only.but believe it or not.i actually do.i will do some math and art.the two subject i like most to revise at home.i don't know why.haha.funny ar.sometimes if i can't sleep i will be revising my math.at like 2am in the morning.until i feel that i can't absorb anymore equations and rules.i will head to bed.haiz.life at school is simply so interesting.during those days.i hate it when i have to go to school in the morning.like,bloody hell!do i have to go school?then now,i wish i'm in school.having to turn up to classes.having recess.get caught for truancy or going to detention.haha.i mean,that place is where i started to develop to a beatiful young adult.haha.too bad that kind of thing have to leave.sooner or later.but mostly! the day i will really really miss is during sports day! gosh,those days were like the most happiest day of my life.i mean,i get to run and actually compete.then i will be like so nervous and people around me will like also be nervous because i'm competing too..but,duh?i'm actually also nervous here..it's still a competition for god's sake.you win or i win.haha.those days.well,there is one thing i want back in my life.i want to be running again.all i ever wanted all this while is to run again.i know.it's never gonna happen to me.i just wanna to make it big in the field.but life doesn't go that way.see things don't happen because they just happen.god must want to show me something or tell me something about why he/she choose not to let me continue in this field.but nothing can replace this man.i mean,it's totally in my blood.if i can't go on maybe my offsprings will do it for me.maybe.a big maybe.i'm of course interested in such thing as modelling,art,big time magazine editor,flying,and so on and on.haha.my life is actually just like a jigsaw puzzle.i have to pick up pieces after pieces to make my life a meaningful one.

one word.

2006-11-18T04:19:00.000+08:00

well well..today happen to be my sayang birthday! how interesting! haha! he's turning 18,how nice life will be for him..haiyoh! i wonder if my time will come.happy happy happy birthday darlz!my biggest ever birthday present for you..(for you to know,for me to find out)hehe. wow!! you are really 18.shit man.i'm the only kid right know.the small one.hey,that's a cool name.the small one.haha.silly me.now,you 18,i 16..feel so alone...
Zoukout next month? haha.i know la.photo ID to gain entry.shut up you!!i hate you!
beach party.free flow of drinks.cool DJs.attractive art installations by local artist.free euro bungy.how cool can this be?!?! i really badly must go..i think right,i'm gonna use my mom's ID..my face can't be that different from my mom right? you think that is a silly idea?? NO!how could it be?! i think that is a fabulous idea! a brilliant one in fact!
true? not true? ok i know.not true.silly idea.
haiyah!i really want to go ley! really really do. god,please help me..

sigh.

2006-11-15T06:29:00.000+08:00

shit.
shit.
shit.
i dunno when i am gonna tell my mom about my results.
shit.
shit.
i retain.
again.
damn it.
what sia.
haiyah.
i think i quit school.
take private o.
haha.
but my mom is gonna be not so happy with it.
shit.
she's gonna not like it.
shit.
should i tell her soon.
now.
later.
sooner.
never.
shit.

nets...

2006-11-15T06:15:00.000+08:00

Just now, i,shah and wan plan to eat at banquet at CP..so we al arrange time and place to eat. confident tau ade duit..then,da jumpe.biler nak dram duit..tkde duit sia!! waduh..punye la malu..naseb baik org blakang tk perasan what was happening.. then me and shah like cannot eat banquet.haiyah..so we went to mac.eat the McChicken at $2.you know,the daily savers..haiyah.so like what like that..tu la..i spent money like nothing you know..i will just nets it nets it and can't remember where that have gone too..then at the end of the day i will be like wondering where the have gone too. then this kind of thought will pop up,mesti org bank nie pakai duit aku tau.or.ader org rompak bank then that guy gave my money away to the robbers..haha! i know! silly am i..haha. then i will slowly remember when and where i spent that money.with the help of alwanshah of course..haha.. hiaz.asmira,asmira..ape nak jadi..maybe i was born to be a shopholic tak?? haha! ok.merepek.

so paiseh!!

2006-11-13T23:41:00.000+08:00

just now,i went to town with my lil sister.she's been bugging me to bring her out all week.so i brought her to town just now.haha,then i went to GUESS? for job interview.but this abg say come back at six.so i was like ok.then totally forget about it! haiyah! dumn right!haha..went to eat at far east after that.KFC,yum yum.then jln2..walk here walk there.then my lil sister was hungry again..so went to Swensen's. eat alot sia there. then we went back home. the train was damn it full man! so packed! luckily time pass so fast..haha,my legs is killing me so much that i just wish i was at home in the first place and not making the decision to go out today..haha.i know,silly.then i went to buy tampax.long time no wear.. anyway,i dunno what to say to my mom cause i spent her money.. earlier,she gave me $120 to pay her credits cards bills,end up the bill was only $84.so the extra $30 was on me.. i was buying this,buyibg that,i accidently used her money..haha,damn. i dunno what to say later on sia.. lucky she not at home when i reach.haha! later must action action sleep.so she won't ask for her money. maybe she will forget about it..! haha.i doubt so..

Headache!!!!

2006-11-05T02:57:00.000+08:00

just now, my uncle,Cik BoB ader kenduri..so I went,so bored. actually i was supposed to work today,but my shift was postponed to Monday. So i'm free. Went there,eat alot alot..haha.. I can really stuff myself.especially when i'm depressed! then,went to Boon Keng, noone at Boon Keng..then went home. Haiz..borring ar today...

Guess what, i dressed Esah up.. Haha.. Surprise Suprise..!! I've got this SIA outfit before(it's way way pass before) so i dressed esah up..cool huh? make-up her..till she look mature..so cool. it's a wonder what make-up can do..haha! skills has it! then i bun up her hair..and boom! she's so cute...haha.atleast she brighten up my day! god bless her!

what a life

2006-11-03T04:19:00.000+08:00

ape sey...i was kick out of the house yesterday night..

this is all how it started..
i reached home at three in the morning.then i went straight to the sofa and watch tv.then suddenly BANG!!!! it scare the skin out of me! omigod! i switch on the light and went searching for the source of the sound. it was my mom's cellphone fell from the stairs. it was so scary..i dunno why but it was so scary. two figures are standing at the handrail of the stairs. then that animal(stepdad) was like shouting and screaming. he was so mad. he was trying to show of that he's the man,like he rule the place. argh! fuck him!! then he come to attack me and my bro. i was punched at the face.and my bro too. it was so dramatic. then my mom was crying pleading him to stop.but to no avail. then suddenly my small sister admitted. so he was like so humiliated. then he was about to walk off when he asked why we come home late(to me and my bro).then he went to the door.open the door and the gates and invite us out! out as in out from the house which does not belongs to him.hakz! i was thinking like, "so this is how you wanna play the game.."fine fine.. then out we go..my mom was crying her heart out. we ignore her and continue walking.. then we sat at the stair landings. mom went after us and was forcing us to go home.. she said that she would file for a divorce and we would have to take care of her.. when i heard that i was so relief. at last god answers my prayer. then we back to her house. i called my faithful boyfriend and we talk. in the midle of the conversation, a knock was heard. i open it and it was that animal. he was s like begging for forgiveness for hitting. and i was like so quiet. i did not utter a word. i couldn't care much. fuck him and his life! go to hell you animal. i don't need you to destroy my life over and over again.

sat is town day!!

2006-10-29T01:50:00.000+08:00

I went to Orchard just now.I finished my Hari Raya money liao.Haha,i know,i know,so fast right. Not even a week of Raya but da finished..haha. I was so engrossed shopping. Everything was like paying by card..then went i look at my bags in Shai's hand. I was like..WHAT THE HELL??! So full of bad sia..Then Shai was,"Tu la..i da cakap,u da belanje byk..tk dgr.."DUh....mcm la i can control..Everything was like made of sugar and spices..Ade X FACTOR agaknyer..Haha.anyway I had a fabulous time just now.
Actually kan,no plan to go town..I plan to just hang out pat Woodlands je.Then da maghrib gitu.bored pulak. So Shai suggested to go town. I was wearing a very very selekeh sleeveless. Topshop nyer sleeveless tapi last season.tak kan nk pakai kan. So when i arrive je at Orchard,I went to Topshop and buy a top.Haha..merepek kan aku.. So went aroung Orchard...Eat then balek..

jln2...

2006-10-27T01:34:00.000+08:00

ha!! it's so so so tiring...i went jln with all my sedare on the first day..it was damn tiring man. and all i got os $70..ok la,dari tkde.everybody who saw me thought that i was a stranger.they thought that i'm a china kid or anak jepon..HAHA..kecoh sey tu..walk here walk there.ok la..fun la,but damn tiring..my hari raya duit total is $160..ok la not bad.didn't do much walking around for the first three days.i was damn tired that i forgot to update my blog.HAHA anyway,that manger from the Sakura Restaurant didn't call.man.i was like why is she or he not calling.maybe i should call later on in the afternoon.
So the EOY results are officially OUT! and true true,i fail again.i fail my goddamnit english.and i ws promoted.but promoted to sec4 normal academic..damn..what the hell man.atika did get to sec4 express. CONGRATS DARLINGS!! but who the hell wants to go to sc4 acad so i think about quitting school and enrol to a private school..take private O.haiz..what is going on with me?? why am i not succeeding in life..WHY?? Damn it! i'm so fuck up right now.i don't know why.haiz.....

stupid shoes..

2006-10-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

It is just so irratating if you are born with a big feet. Damn... I went to Charles and Keith just now to buy my Hari Raya shoes...but unfortunately,the heels dos not fit me!! Can you believe it!! Gosh! It was not hard at all to find a decent pair of heels last year. Now,it is like searching for the Cinderrella who lost her glass heels at the ball. Haiz..I wonder what I will be wearing for this year. My mom has aloot alot of shoes but I don't want them. I want my own. She like have a full shelf of high heels.. She bought it at Charles and Keith sales or Marie Claire sales and bought like twenty pair each everytime so i do have tons and tons of shoes. But i don't want them... God,where can i find high heels at size ten?? Tell me where... I do fit at size eight or probably nine but as you know,this season shoes,they're cut for such a small size feet.. When the sales assistant gave me the size nine shoe,i thought she was mistaken. I was like "I want size nine,not size seven." Then she was like "That's size nine Miss."Can you believe that?? That shoe look like size seven or eight. Yeah,you are so right. My humongous and gigantic feet won't fit them. They just don't. Then after that,I gave up.Shah was like omigod..where can we get your shoes,pity you..blablah.. Then we went to seven-eleven grab a pizza and went to KFC. Went to his place after that. Then i went back home taking a cab which cost $9.30..with late-night charge and stuff. Normally it would cost me a flat $7.00. No one at home except for my obnoxious two brtothers. I fix the cool transparent toilet seats.. Haha..i can be a plumber,I know. Then now.I'm doing my blog. Tadah darlingz..

love you darling

2006-10-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

today went to AMK to buy grandmama's shoes for hari raya.then went to geylang.i tried to buy my shoe but it was so so out of date!! omygod...then we went back home.quite borring ar today....
then right,i fought with Shah..sedihhhhhhh seyy..haiyoh...
Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
That you love me so much
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything that I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this
Would you tell me
I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

when??

2006-10-21T04:40:00.000+08:00

oh my god.....!
when is she gonna call?
i need money sey.
really really need money...
haiz..
stress giler sey..biler la duit nak masok.
kite nk shopping2..hehe..
bored ley dudok rumah,,
i want to occupy myself,but don't know with what,
haiyoh!

cars and buses.

2006-10-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

went to JB with grandmama and esah.
took the bus.
the damn 107 bus.
damn the bus.
i hate going to JB taking a bus.
the damn whole journey.
went to city square.
shop for shoes.
then got cheated by this 'amoi'.
luckily we didn't get trap by the trick.
HAKZ!!
then went to larkin.
then went back to Singapore.
this officer mistook me as a mother to esah!
HAHA...
what a funny way to end a tiring day.
phew...!

Mars and Bars

2006-10-17T08:53:00.000+08:00

The sun is up.
The sky is bright.
I was moody
Moody with anger and frustations.
I was scared.petrified.
I'm alone in this world dad.alone.
No one is behind me.
Please Dad,don't leave me.
Hug me Dad.
Not that oouhbarakuda.
Me Dad,ringlets'.
The apple is rotting now.
The flower is wilting now.
The anticipation in me is deterioting.
Please Dad.give me some love.
A little bit will do.

mua employ.

2006-10-17T08:40:00.000+08:00

YipEE!!! wohoo...i'm finally finally finallllllyyy employed! thanks to izyan.if it wasn't for her courage to ask that guy for s job.maybe now,my life will be still so boring..hehe,so happy...i
i'm at school right now.since it's after exams,we are allowed to surf the net anytime we want.no limits.haha.so it wasn't a waste of time actually going to school.
alwanshah still at home sleeping.my cutie pie.you know,yesterday he was like not happy that i get to work at Sakura.he thought that i will be meeting other guys and fall in love with him.haha.so cute of him..[well no dear.still loving you so much]
i fail my EOY again..[yah.i know.it's so bad]dissappointing giler sakz..nvm,so my plan for next year is that i take private 'O'.well,i know that i have to be really really commited to it.really really have.haiz.but if it concerns my future,i will do what ever it takes.WHATEVER.i repeat.WHATEVER.

kuih!

2006-10-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

as the sun sets.my family make our journey to Boon Keng(Kallang to be exact). we are going to bake kuih.which is so tiring.but i have to drag along cause no one will be at home and i' scared being alone..so as we set in our family car,i'm missing my baby boy..i wonder what he is doing?hmm,maybe busy working.the thing is that we had to sleep there for two nights.that means,two miserable nights for me.i had to put up with my small little cousins michieves.man..so,i did make some kuih.the famous chocalate chips cookies and kuih tart(hmm.my favourite!)it was so damn tiring.i have to sit down in the stuffed kitchen with the tremendous heat from the oven and atmoshpere.wow! i thought i barely make it there but i did.so yeah!haha.well,i did have alot of fun.BK is so much different to me now. when i was young,i use to spend my childhood there.but since i have moved to yishun,i occasionally went there.except for like family gatherings or dinner.for the two nights there,i miss my baby so much..we did have a few rows but it's ok.not as along as i have to lose him.i love him you know..so much in fact.then,now i'm happily ever after at home..with my two little scoundrel cousins here by my side reading what i type in my computer..well,that's life for me.

2006-10-12T02:46:00.000+08:00

my first ever blog.. WEE!!! i'm so excited. at last,i do have a blog. thanks to izyan.credits to her please...(applause)